I’ve not really written in a few days now, and I was pondering why I didn’t feel guilty about it. I mean, I really want to finish this draft by the end of the month, so how is taking a few days off helping me achieve that goal?
The truth is that I am/was exhausted. All the stress and emotions surrounding what’s going on with Ivy (see the passworded post), combined with a couple of kids who are still getting the hang of that whole ‘sleeping through the night’ thing, and the knowledge that every single day there is going to be some drama or difficulty to deal with, it simply wears one out.
Thursday after school Simon and Ivy headed off to his parents place for a few days and peace settled over my house. I couldn’t bring myself to write, or review, or critique, or even study. The little girls played really nicely, and for possibly the first time ever they ASKED me if they could go to bed. Earlier than normal. Colour me stunned. I had a relaxing evening, with a quiet house, catching up on a few TV shows and then reading.
I did a lot of reading these last few days. I spent a lot of time playing on the trampoline with my babies. I enjoyed the tidy house and the lack of drama. I nurtured my soul with no pressure and time spent outside. I basked in the glow of conflict free time, and relished the fact that my vocabulary got to use more yes, sure and of course’s than no, I’ve already said no, please listen to me and other such phrases.
I love all my kids dearly, I will always love them no matter what, and I will always do everything in my power to give them the things they need to thrive. But I am human, and I have to confess that right now what I needed more than anything else was a weekend off from the near constant conflict. Which also meant a weekend off from anything else. Who knows when I might get another weekend off, I had to make the most of it.
And I feel better for it. I don’t feel on edge any more, I’m not waiting for the next round, or constantly trying to calculate what scenario, which foods, which word choices are going to get the best response.
And best of all? I miss Ivy. We spoke for a good twenty minutes on the phone last night and I enjoyed hearing about her day, telling her what we’d been up to. She misses me too, and I think that she probably needed a weekend off too. She is staying with her Nana until Tuesday and I know that my mother in law will take the best care of her, nurturing her soul, being there for her every need and giving her some precious one on one time.
Simon came home last night, and so I’m pleased that he will be getting a couple of days off as well. We all need it. We all need to have some room to breathe so that we can be effective moving forward. Sometimes the best thing one can do, is have a weekend off.
The writing will be there when I’m ready. The story will zoom towards the end and by the beginning of May I WILL have a finished first draft. But for now, the sun is shining, I have kids to play with, books to read and a husband to hang out with, and I’m going to make the most of the time off while I have it.