Losing track of time

This long weekend has gotten me all muddled up. I feel like I’ve lost a day somewhere, somehow.

This is not good. Not really. I need all the time that I can get.

The good news is that Lauren has been sleeping through til 230am for almost a week now, which means I’m getting 5+ hours in a row on most nights – go you good thing!

The not so great news is that the last thousand or so words of TCM have been total crap. My writing seems to be suffering from 5 months of accumulated broken sleep and it’s not really pleasant to look back on (the writing that is, these last 5 months have been a blast for the most part).

Part of me desperately wants to go back and fix all the issues. Part of me knows that’s a terrible idea because often that leads to never finishing something. Another part is suggesting that I could keep moving forward while working on fixing the issues as well, so as not to give up any momentum gained.

I still don’t know what to do about it. So, I guess that means I’ll keep writing in the meantime and see what happens.

The whole point of writing a first draft right now was to be writing despite the fact that it’s not my best work. I don’t want to give up on it, put it aside, not write while I am this tired just because I am tired – I can’t stop, I have to write.

A first draft is allowed to suck. Everything can be fixed in a second, third, whatever draft. A not so great first draft is a much better thing to have than a well built idea that’s yet to see daylight. And these are the things I need to keep telling myself.

I know my ideas are solid. I know this is going to be a really good read someday – its just a matter of being okay about the fact that it isn’t right now.

I can be okay about that.

And I can keep in mind that in another ten months Ivy will be at school, and Lauren will be one, and I WILL have more time to clean things up, to rewrite, to edit. I’ll have more than a half hour here and there to get stuck into my writing and when I get to that point I’ll have plenty of first drafts to pick and choose from.

In the meantime, I need to put worry aside and just enjoy writing for writings sake. So I guess there is the answer to my quandry – I’ll keep writing, and I can go back and clean it up later down the track.


2 thoughts on “Losing track of time”

  1. yes yes!!! finish that book, if nothing else. time does fly; one day you will be sitting in a house with quiet and children that are either in school or not intimately connected to your person. 🙂

    sometimes the work does suck… but it’s there, out of your head in printed form, one way or another.

    just keep writing… just keep writing… just keep writing…

  2. Yes! First drafts are allowed to suck and with each revision they do get better! Rebuilding Retehoro is proof of that… which you will get to beta read some day. 🙂

    As Anna says…. just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing, writing, writing.

    And if you need a real pick me up just search for “Dory Just Keep Swimming” on YouTube.

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