January kicked my ass

I know we’re still a few days from the end of the month, but WOW, what a month. I am exhausted on just about every level. I cannot wait until school goes back and we can start reforming a ‘normal’ routine again. I dream of days where both the littles are getting the sleep they need, where the big one is entertained and enlivened by all the learning and play she is doing at school, where I am not having to step in and resolve an issue every 5 minutes. Where I actually have the time and energy to keep on top of the housework and actually get some writing done…

I also can’t wait until this whole sleep training thing kicks in and I’m actually getting a few more hours. Right now, I can see progress, but I’m riding on a week of changing rooms 5-6 times a night, working my ass off getting Lauren to sleep and I just hope that it all pays off soon. I hope it all clicks into place, because I am  a mess. I’m imagining all kinds of scenarios which might mean I’m sleeping, and none of them are pretty (ie: I could drink myself into oblivion so that I won’t hear them when they wake up – cept, I really don’t want to drink! Let alone deal with a hangover).

That said… I have submitted two short stories this month. I’ve written a new story which will hopefully be revised and subbed in the next week, and I started work on revision of yet another short story. So, somewhere in there, I did find a little time.

We’ve had some lovely catch ups with friends, had a lot of fun playing and enjoying each others company. We’ve shuffled the house around and found new things to explore. It’s been good, frequently. Just exhausting.

It hasn’t been until this last week that I’ve felt ready to implode. This is the longest stretch ever that I’ve had 3 girls home to myself for and it is not easy (who on earth suggested summer holidays be this long??? lol). I know it will get better, get easier. I can see it in those moments when everyone is happy and playing nicely, when everyone is getting enough sleep. There are too many of the other moments at the moment though – the ones where one of them is too tired, but we’re out, or we have visitors, or there is some other reason that things just aren’t working right.

Next year it’ll be easier. And every year after that. I just need to hang in there for a couple of days until school starts. Despite my best efforts, I simply cannot provide enough stimulation for an almost 6 year old who doesn’t like to entertain herself, while also catering to the needs of a 6 month old and a 2yr old. Both of whom still need naps and are still breastfeeding.

Parenting is hard.

But it is also rewarding. I do love my babies, despite the months like this. Despite the sleep deprivation and the not ever having enough time to myself. It will get easier, and all the time and effort I put in now is worth it. I have to remind myself of that sometimes too. These little people are the most important thing in my life.

Roll on Feb! I intend to spend the first few days of the month catching up on TV shows, reading books, and enjoying a much more chilled out pace than I’ve  had the chance to for awhile now.

Speaking of reading, think I’ll do a review tomorrow. I just finished an awesome book and I want to share it with you all 🙂 I think it was the only thing keeping me sane the last few days!


6 thoughts on “January kicked my ass”

  1. Oh my… I can so relate to those days… At one point, I had a 5-year-old, 3-year-old, 20-month-old, and newborn. And I was trying to build my freelance writing business. I didn’t think I’d ever sleep again.

    It does get easier, physically. Now that they’re 11, 9, 7, and 6, they can fix their own simple meals, do their own laundry, take showers instead of baths, etc. My physical efforts are greatly reduced, and I can sleep in on weekends! But now we’re starting to get into the mind games, and the bickering, and a little pre-teen angst… And, we spend a lot of time running between activities, and I’m not a big activity-oriented mom. There are just four of them. It gets crazy.

    Hang in there… snatch those sweet moments… 🙂


    1. Thanks, Amy 🙂 Wow, sleep ins. Not sure I’d remember how to do that! lol I love hearing about people a few years ahead of me though, when the kids are older. Gives me a lot of hope 🙂

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