Natalie is one today.
I’m struggling to find the right words to explain what I’m feeling. This is my last ‘1st’ birthday, and while it has passed quietly, I’ve spent a lot of time remembering back to a year ago. I was still in labour at this point in the day, had not long arrived at the hospital, gearing up to push her into the world. I think birth is an amazing thing, and while yes, it hurts like hell, it’s so worth it. I was un-surprised when the midwife said she was a girl. I’d been saying for months that she would be, because everyone else thought she’d be a boy, and I thought ‘no, she’ll be a girl, just because. She is my child, after all’.
I remember her feet, so huge. Really, they were ridiculously large and the first thing I really noticed about her. They were curled back a bit from being tucked up under my ribs for so many months, a constant reminder of her presence. I remember her squirming her way to my breast, suckling for the first time, a stellar feeder like her sister and yet gentler. She is gentler, less insistent, like she knows I’ll be there for her even though she’s the third.
I remember bringing her home, passing her to my mother (who had been with me virtually all day being the wonderful mum that she is), telling her that she was the first to hold her, other than us and the midwife. Her tears, my tears, that confirmation that I’d done an amazing thing reflected in our mutual tears.
My precious third. The one I wanted but didn’t think I would get. The one who came anyway. Our surprise baby. She amazes me every single day and I feel so incredibly blessed to have her in our family. She is such a happy wee soul, so cheerful, and cheeky, so full of life and joy.
And I’m crying again. What’s with that? lol
Anyways, there we have it. Another 1st. She’s officially a toddler now, though it’s been months since she was really a baby.
Thank you for choosing me to be your mum, Nati-noo.