I was having coffee with a friend a few days ago and she asked how my writing was going. She knew I’d been working hard on Mocha, and was checking in. I said to her that it was out with readers at the moment, but that I was hoping to do a final revise and polish in August and then send it out.
It wasn’t until that moment that I felt a little bit nervous about the whole thing. I mean, normal swings have happened – it’s wonderful, it’s rubbish, it should totally find a home, no-one will ever want to publish it – but I realized for the first time that the thought of ACTUALLY getting an acceptance is kind of out of my comfort zone.
I’ve had a couple short stories accepted. That was wonderful. I’ve done revisions and edits and checked proofs etc, so in some small way, I’ve had experience of what can potentially happen when you have a piece of your work accepted for publication. But the world of publishing longer things? It’s all new and kind of scary and for the the first time I’m actually going to be submitting something I truly think is ready (compared to when I was submitting Lifelines to agents and I had a feeling that neither my novel, or myself, were ready for bigger publication). Or at least, it will be ready by the time I submit.
And I am ready, I think, to have something longer in the world – whether that happens via a publisher, or whether I put it out myself. I’m actually ready. Nervous, yes, but excited. Scared, yes, but wanting to push ahead anyway. I’m familiar with rejection. I know it so very well. It’s time to kick down the walls of this comfortable nook though and extend myself.