It’s been a few weeks now since we parted. While you’ve been visiting my beta readers, I’ve just been chilling at home, raising my babies and trying to keep busy. I was eagerly awaiting the time of our reunion, for a while, but in the last week or so some doubts have crept into my mind.
You came to me at a time when I needed something lightweight. You were fun and care free. You lifted me up, made me smile. I will always treasure the laughs we had together, your sweetness, your gentle nature. But the reality is that I have changed. I’m not in the same space as either a person, or a writer, and I don’t know if I ever will be again.
You were something new, something that I hadn’t tried before, and while I’ve enjoyed this thing we shared, I’m sorry to say that it has no long term potential. You were a fling of sorts and I, I’m searching for something more. Something that delves deeper – and while I know that a novel with intensity will exact a higher toll, I can’t help but long for it.
I think by now you probably know where this is heading – you are not going to be published. I’m sorry. It’s for the best though, really. While I am a firm advocate for writers being able to produce stories in whatever genre they want, I am also a believer that if you are putting work out, then you should keep putting similar work out, and when it comes down to it, you are all I have. I don’t have any desire to write another piece of ‘chick lit’ or whatever other definition you’d like to give yourself – you were a blast while we were together, but it’s time to be honest.
Don’t think this means I don’t appreciate you. You’ve done wonders for my confidence as a writer and I will always be grateful for the lessons you have taught me. I know now that I can stay with a project, revise it and make it better, even if that takes a few drafts. You’ve shown me that editing is actually fun, that surprises can unfold no matter how well you think you know a story. You let me explore a new side of myself, and while I’ve enjoyed the adventure, I now know that it’s just not for me. Well, not right now, anyway.
I’m not going to bury you in a file somewhere, just so you know. I care about you too much for that. I still want to make a few tweaks and tidy things up, and then I am going to offer you to my friends, some of whom I know will enjoy reading you.
Believe me when I say that this wasn’t an easy decision. But I think it’s the right one. It’s been hovering over me for a while now, and I feel better now that it’s been made. There are other things for me to explore, deeper themes, darker horizons. I know they aren’t for everyone, but it’s where I belong.
So thank you, Mocha Nihilism – and I can call you that now, seeing as it doesn’t matter if your title doesn’t fit the tone of the novella – for everything. We’ll meet again soon, and I am sure someone out there will enjoy you.