So much has happened in the last week and a half, big changes and small, happy things and sad things. All up it’s felt very long and exhausting. I kept thinking of things to blog about, but in general just didn’t have the energy for it, so thought I would catch you all up in a series of snippets. I’m going to start with some good things, then some not so good things, then more good things, because lets face it, no one likes to end on a bad note 😉
My beautiful Ivy turned seven. I can’t believe she is already so big! We had some birthday stuff over the weekend, with my wonderful mother taking over the birthday dinner organization on Saturday night because I was still a bit of a mess. Mum rocked it, and we had a great time with my mother in law, and brothers wee family coming to Mum’s for dinner as well.
Then on Tuesday one of my very good friends saved my ass by baking a lovely cake for Ivy’s actual birthday, and by picking her up so that I didn’t have to do the school thing (actually, she grabbed her on Wed as well. Claire rocks!).
Mishka’s death on Friday afternoon really messed me up. On top of that, Natalie got a cold which she then passed to me, and I was so numb with grief that I didn’t realize I was having some intense neck and back pain until my mother pointed out to me that I looked like I was in physical pain! Ack. Well. I guess now we know that grief IS good for something. I am still sore, and still sick, a whole week later.
I also felt like I was bashing my head against a wall when it came to outlining. More about that soon.
The Bad which is also the Good:
Last Wednesday, while I was at training for Lifeline, I started crying and couldn’t stop. This is usually a really good indicator to me that something has to change. I realized that I was feeling anxious about the whole thing – not because of the nature of the work, but because of the time commitments and the fact that my children are still so little. I decided to pull out now, and delay it for another couple years when I will have a more flexible time table, and the kids are in school. This was sad because it IS something I really want to do. But it’s also really good because I wasn’t ready to be ‘working’ outside of the house, and I was able to figure out what was wrong and how I could fix it.
I got a book in the mail!
I nailed my outline for TCM!!!
And, what’s more, felt so excited to have figured out a way to do it, that I decided to work on outlining the rest of Sun-Touched. It was good timing, as I realized if I kept writing without knowing what was going to happen, I would end up floundering. I’ve had some exciting thoughts about the novel, and while I’m still working on finishing off the outline, at least now I have faith in my ability to solve problems, and figure out sequences and structure. I know that the right information will come to me soon enough.
Phew. There we have it. The week and a half that was. I’m feeling a lot more positive this weekend, and the initial haze of grief has passed. I still feel a little hollow, a little tender, a little like I am missing my shadow. I know that the ache will fade though the memory of her never will.
There are lots of good things in my future, and lots of things to smile about. So I am going to focus on those and look forward to everything that’s to come.