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A long week

So much has happened in the last week and a half, big changes and small, happy things and sad things. All up it’s felt very long and exhausting. I kept thinking of things to blog about, but in general just didn’t have the energy for it, so thought I would catch you all up in a series of snippets. I’m going to start with some good things, then some not so good things, then more good things, because lets face it, no one likes to end on a bad note šŸ˜‰

The Good!
My beautiful Ivy turned seven. I can’t believe she is already so big! We had some birthday stuff over the weekend, with my wonderful mother taking over the birthday dinner organization on Saturday night because I was still a bit of a mess. Mum rocked it, and we had a great time with my mother in law, and brothers wee family coming to Mum’s for dinner as well.

Then on Tuesday one of my very good friends saved my ass by baking a lovely cake for Ivy’s actual birthday, and by picking her up so that I didn’t have to do the school thing (actually, she grabbed her on Wed as well. Claire rocks!).

The Bad:
Mishka’s death on Friday afternoon really messed me up. On top of that, Natalie got a cold which she then passed to me, and I was so numb with grief that I didn’t realize I was having some intense neck and back pain until my mother pointed out to me that I looked like I was in physical pain! Ack. Well. I guess now we know that grief IS good for something. I am still sore, and still sick, a whole week later.

I also felt like I was bashing my head against a wall when it came to outlining. More about that soon.

The Bad which is also the Good:
Last Wednesday, while I was at training for Lifeline, I started crying and couldn’t stop. This is usually a really good indicator to me that something has to change. I realized that I was feeling anxious about the whole thing – not because of the nature of the work, but because of the time commitments and the fact that my children are still so little. I decided to pull out now, and delay it for another couple years when I will have a more flexible time table, and the kids are in school. This was sad because it IS something I really want to do. But it’s also really good because I wasn’t ready to be ‘working’ outside of the house, and I was able to figure out what was wrong and how I could fix it.

More Good:
I got a book in the mail!

I nailed my outline for TCM!!!

And, what’s more, felt so excited to have figured out a way to do it, that I decided to work on outlining the rest of Sun-Touched. It was good timing, as I realized if I kept writing without knowing what was going to happen, I would end up floundering. I’ve had some exciting thoughts about the novel, and while I’m still working on finishing off the outline, at least now I have faith in my ability to solve problems, and figure out sequences and structure. I know that the right information will come to me soon enough.

Phew. There we have it. The week and a half that was. I’m feeling a lot more positive this weekend, and the initial haze of grief has passed. I still feel a little hollow, a little tender, a little like I am missing my shadow. I know that the ache will fade though the memory of her never will.

There are lots of good things in my future, and lots of things to smile about. So I am going to focus on those and look forward to everything that’s to come.

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4 thoughts on “A long week”

  1. Hi JC, sounds like a turbulent week!
    It’s so hard being a mom and wanting things. It sounds like we are similar kind of parents (the type who to subcribe to attachment parenting, and are kind of hippy dippy and let them run barefoot through the back yeard) and it’s quite difficult balancing this need to bond with our kinds are instill confidence, creativity and passion in them, while wanting things – when they are young.
    I think it’s great that you recognize in yourself that the timing isn’t right. They are young only once, and it does pass so quickly. I say this so rationally, but I too struggle with what I for me, and when is the right time to pursue it. ANd of course, in my case by then it might be something different I want to pursue. Anw, the immediate challenge for me is find out what keeps me satisfied now, and doesn’t make me feel like a martyr.
    Good luck, JC.
    And I’m sorry you lost your shadown (especially now)

  2. Sometimes I feel like I’m pushing such large portions of my life until “later when the kids are older”. But at the same time, I know that I need to be here now. I really commend you for listening to your intuition and making such a tough decision.

    Your week was so full of up and downs! We’ll have to talk outlining sometime. I’ve never done it before, (pantsers FTW!) but I’m attempting that on my current WIP. It’s a whole different world, that’s for sure!

    1. It really is. Unfortunately, I am struggling to get back into getting-words-on-page mode… ack. There is always something, right?

      Totally happy to chat outlines if you want! There are a few different ways to approach them and after loathing them for so long I’m a big advocate for finding the right path for the individual. That said, I feel more confident in the stories now, knowing the overall (general) shape of them.

      Thanks for your kind words šŸ™‚ It’s nice to have decisions acknowledged. Juggling stuff is so hard with kids because you need to have your own dreams and goals and passions and SEE some progress in those. I think it’s really important, anyways, not just for yourself, but also for your kids to see that you’re a person in your own right, not just the person who takes care of them.

      Now I’m rambling! lol thanks for stopping by and commenting šŸ™‚

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