I keep looking at my blog, thinking I should post something, but not really knowing where to begin. The right words have been hard to find.

So we’ll start with: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. As you might remember, I started The Artists Way back near the start of the year. I’m actually sticking with it this time and am up to Week 7. I’m learning a lot about myself, not all of it fun, but valuable even if hard at times. It’s not resulting in massive amounts of writing, though I have been revising steadily over the month (four scenes to go!). I’m changing, I can feel that, though I don’t know what form a lot of changes will take. When I can find the words to get all my thoughts down, I will.

I’ve also accepted that I have a problem, and my moods are not normal.  I’ve been feeling all kinds of things and about 10 days ago admitted that I’m not okay. I’ve been telling people when they ask, and many are shocked (those in the face to face world, anyway, my online friends don’t get my masks so much!), though at the same time pleased that I am being honest again. It’s one of the steps towards balance for me, so I’m glad I’ve taken it. I’m also taking some vitamins and other things which seem to be helping. I’ve not been back to the pits of despair since then, which is nice. Sometimes, just admitting you aren’t okay takes the pressure off. Masks are heavy, as are fake smiles, so my advice to anyone is to cast those aside.

I also had a short story accepted for publication! Was totally surprised, but delighted of course. I can’t wait til the line-up is announce and the cover revealed, though it’s been lovely seeing other writers I know and respect mentioning on facebook and twitter that they also got in. One writer friend in particular, as it’s her first sale, and she is such an awesome writer. I am so proud of her, and so pleased we’ll get to share space inside the cover of a book.

What else? I guess life is ticking along as normal. We’re still home schooling and there are great days and not so great days. I’m enjoying getting back into some renovation stuff, ticking things off my giant list. Playcentre began last week, so we’re finding a groove with that again as well. It’s a very busy term in general. Oh, and my university paper officially begins on Monday. I’ve not had a chance to read ahead yet, but that’s okay. I feel like I can handle all the things on my plate, which is more than I was feeling a couple weeks ago.

Right, better get back to that revision huh? I hope Feb has been treating you kindly. So hard to believe it’s almost over already.


Why I love Monday

Typically, Monday has been one of my favourite days of the week because it’s the first day we’re ‘back’ into things. School, work, Playcentre. It usually comes after a busy weekend, and is my first chance of the week to actually get some stuff done.

Today, I love Monday because it’s the beginning of a new week. I’ve been feeling really flat, depressed and just plain waaaaahh for days now. It’s not been a typical block, as such, because if I could’ve sat down and made myself get to work, I would have got a lot done – I just couldn’t sit down and face it. The words are all there for both my novel, and my first essay for my counselling paper, but I just couldn’t make myself let them out of my head.

Which sucked. Big time. I got caught in a loop. MUST get this stuff done. CAN’T sit down and do it. Getting further behind. The clock is counting. I sat here at my laptop every day, frozen, and feeling worse and worse about the fact that I wasn’t making any progress.

Well, not today. I did a little writing yesterday, and a few days before that – the words flowed as soon as I let them out which shows that I CAN do this – and I refuse to linger in this hell hole of limbo any longer. I’m the only one who can change the way I feel, and so I’m going to do that. Now.

Monday is a wonderful day. I love that every week I get to start fresh. So here is to letting go of the week that was, and welcoming in the week to come. Here is to making the most of every day and not letting the bad days of the past encroach on what could well be a good one.

Happy Monday! (and to those who haven’t quite reached it yet – I hope it’s a good one 😉 ).