Uncategorized

Another Sunday wrap up

Another week down on the creativity workshop, and my first story for this block uncompleted. That said, it is very early in the day and there is every chance I’ll find some time to sit down and write a little later on. I have just under 1,500 words written and am well on my way to another chapter complete.

I’m learning more about the world outside the city walls, which is exciting. And I’m enjoying the new character who has inserted herself into the novel. Good things all around! Though I do need a name for her….

As for other aspects of the workshop – I am not looking for new ideas, I am not spurring on my creativity. Things have kind of shut up shop in that area, a natural response to getting to close to being due I think. I’m actually really pleased that nothing is scratching at the walls of my mind to be written, evidently all my talk of writing and ideas waiting has sunk in and they’re all in hibernation at the moment. Ah bless them.

I’m feeling good still, in general. I’m very eager to meet this wee one now, as is everyone else in the family. I’m pretty sure no-one expected to wait this long and if I do go overdue they will no doubt check in on me daily to see whether anything is happening. Thank heavens for facebook I guess? As long as I update a couple times a day I can keep the text messages and phone calls away 😉

Speaking of phones, my cell has decided that now is the right time to start a slow and agonising death. I was trying to unlock it yesterday to check a message and it turned off on me instead. It’s done this a few times now. Occasionally the top row of numbers doesn’t work at all. Ack, stupid thing, and stupid timing too! I’m going to have to actually write down numbers now so that Hubby can text from his phone in the event that mine won’t work after baby’s arrival.

Anyways, enough rambling from me 🙂 I think that if I don’t finish this chapter today I’ll keep working on it until it’s done, and then move onto the next one. It’s a novel, I’ve accepted that fact, and I’m also really just hoping baby will show up soon. I will keep writing on this novel until then.

Which I guess officially kind of means I’m not doing the workshop anymore? I always knew I’d only have about this long anyway. It’s been a blast and I’ll certainly be keeping tabs on how the rest of you are doing. Merrilee has done a stellar job. I’m really looking forward to going back and doing the exercises I failed to do, and reading any posts I might miss in the next few weeks.

Advertisements
Uncategorized

Still here….

And frustrated! My to-do list is not getting any smaller. It’s a reasonable list, nothing extravagant or unrealistic, but it’s simply not getting any shorter. I’m not even adding to it, it’s just failing to shrink.

The main reason for this is because our schedule has been a little out – schools been finishing early for parent teacher interviews, we’ve had an appointment at the hospital for Ivy (she’s fine), parent teacher interview (obviously) and this has resulted in Lauren pretty much not sleeping in the day. She’s been pushing back the time of her nap, and it’s just not been working with these other interruptions. When she did finally give into sleep yesterday it was after Ivy was home from school and needed my attention.

Mama needs some downtime! Mama needs some time to write!

As I am still committed to spending time with Hubby after the kids are in bed, it’s meant I’ve got nothing done the last few days. Well, a couple hundred words, but not enough to satisfy me. I still have one crit I need to get done. This chapter I want to finish if I can. I need to scrub the floors (baby is posterior, I have midwives orders to get down on my hands and knees lol its not because I’m nesting). I guess at least I made all my appointments, we’re wide open now for baby arrival. Any time, darling, any time.

I’m at that point where I wake up in the morning and think ‘is it going to be today?’ as well as ‘just one more day, I need to get these things done…’ I’m excited to meet this little one, but hanging onto each of these last moments I have as a 2 child mother, as a mother who has some kind of routine and space for the things she loves. Though I guess Lauren throwing off her nap these last couple of days has kind of ruined that concept anyway 😉

Flexibility is so important when it comes to parenting. I just have to go with the flow.

Anyways, enough rambling. I have housework to do while the little ones are occupied. Ivy is home as she had a temp last night and said she still felt unwell this morning. I sent Hubby off with the car, so we’re stranded here, and of course within 5 mins of him heading out the door she changed her mind and wanted to go to school… I’m predicting… that I still don’t get those things crossed off my list.

Uncategorized

38 weeks and…3 days?

I think that’s about right… mostly posting just to say that I am still around and still pregnant! And exhausted, but hey, you get that on the big jobs.

I didn’t get stuck into the new story yesterday, and I probably won’t be writing today either. As soon as Lauren caves into sleep I’m going to nap as well, let’s just hope it’s soon or we won’t get a very big one before school lets out. I’ve been up since 330am pretty much, and boy, am I looking forward to that nap. It’s consuming all my thoughts and I’ve been trying all morning to convince Lauren it’s time. She’s just not giving in yet. Little gremlin.

That said, from about 4am I did start thinking of this story and I know whats going to happen. When I have the energy to write the words will pour out until I see Matti through the tunnel and past the walking dead. I think she is as bewildered as I am by the strange girl she meets. All fun and games though 😉

And now for a pic update! I will most likely forget to take any more, but I figured I should at least this as I have never been this pregnant before. I don’t think I’m getting any bigger, and hopefully won’t… we shall see. Ignore the fact I look exhausted. I am. My hair is a mess too, I need to wash it. And the room is a mess as well, but there is a surprise appearance by my cat Mishka in the hallway. She hates having her photo taken, so I might have to remember the sneaky mirror trick in future.

From the front, I just look like I ate all the pies. If we had pies in the house I probably would have. After seeing this I shall forgive the man at soccer practice who asked me if I had a sore tummy (while I was rubbing it while having a braxton hicks contraction after running around with Lauren on my hip helping the kids learn to follow the ball). At the time I looked at him and said ‘no, I’m trying not to go into labour’. He said to me: oh, you’re pregnant. ‘Um yeah, due in two weeks.’ I’ll forgive you for not wanting to say the wrong thing.

And now, back to convincing L it’s nap time. The girl hates sleep, I’m convinced.

Uncategorized

Mid workshop wrap up

Can you believe we’re halfway through the Creativity Workshop? I’ve been having fun. Moreso on Sundays – for some reason it seems to be the day I can get some writing going on lately.

I just finished this weeks story/chapter and I’m really happy with how it’s come out. I read through last weeks earlier today because I was feeling quite flat and unsure about what I was doing and wow, what a lovely surprise. It’s good! There is so much going on there and I immediately felt a renewed rush of enthusiasm for the project. I have the chapter for this week ahead firmly in mind now and can’t wait to start writing that too.

Today I wanted to look back on what I’ve got out of this so far, but my mind just isn’t working like that right now. (Or I thought not, but then I wrote what follows, and perhaps it does make sense).

I went into it wanting to come out with some more short stories that I could submit to various markets (once polished). I’ve come out with 6 short stories/chapters which are all parts of novels in one way or another. At first glance that looks like a loss, but the reality is that I have two amazing novel ideas that I absolutely adore and that will keep me busy for a fair while to come. I have characters that I’m passionate about, ideas that excite me and it’s a really nice feeling knowing I have ‘work’ lined up for the foreseeable future.

On top of that I’ve learned to trust my brain more. It ticks over when I need it to, even when I’m not consciously giving ideas the time I think they need. It provides me with everything I need to build great worlds/characters/stories, it picks up suggestions from the smallest tidbits of information and works them into the story to bring depth and life.

I’ve learned that fear is no reason to avoid something. That in fact, when I am afraid of something I should embrace it and tackle it because sometimes thats where the most interesting stuff lies. And I want that interesting stuff. I like that challenge. It fills me with joy and makes me want to keep at it.

I’ve also learned that as a writer, I’m pretty determined. I should have known this, but when I talk to other people and they seem shocked to hear that I’m still writing at this point in my pregnancy, while looking after my 2 beautiful daughters and keeping the household running, I guess I’m shocked. It just seems like the natural thing for me to be doing.

Writing is my sanity. It’s the thing I do for me. The way I vent out any negative emotions, the way I keep the balance inside my head so that I never slip too far under the sea of darkness that sometimes beckons. It’s a way to burn up any manic energy I have as well. It keeps me whole and stable so that I can be the best parent I know how. I need these stories, these ideas, these other worlds. They help me stay grounded in this one.

Anyways. That’s enough from me! I am hoping to get at least one more story/chapter out before baby arrives, but it’ll come when it comes and the words will wait. I have so many possibilities lined up, so many stories and novels to write, and I feel confident that all this passion and drive will still be there waiting for me when I have time to reclaim them.

Uncategorized

I should be writing/38 weeks

Well, only 14 days until baby’s due date rolls around. I woke up this morning thinking that I wasn’t going to make it that far though. It’s not like anything in particular has happened but I’ve gone from feeling like this pregnancy could go on for a long while yet to thinking that it’s going to come to an end soon. ‘Soon’ might still be two weeks away, but my brain has clicked over into ‘yup, we’re having a baby’ mode. A good thing, most likely, seeing as we ARE having a baby, in the near future.

Anyways. I should be writing. I should be doing a lot of things but today I would liked to have been putting words on the page. I am just so tired though. I feel grumpy, and out of sorts, and like I just want to lie in bed all day – not that I possibly could, because really, two kids at home doesn’t make for restful times. I did have about 45 minutes to myself this morning but I spent it doing housework – the whole ‘impending birth’ thing has made me want to keep the house orderly. I guess thats not a bad thing.

I think tomorrow I’m going to do a sum up post of what I’ve gained from the Creativity Workshop so far. I just want to have that done in case. I’d love to get this weeks story done before the end of the weekend but I’m not holding my breath just yet (that said, last week I was at about the same point in things and doubled my wordcount in one decent sitting on Sunday).

Man I really do feel like rubbish. I might try and swing another half hour in bed if I can.

Uncategorized

Thursday, random stuff.

I’m feeling so not with it that I can’t think of a decent title. I’m not even sure what I want to say – I just know that I want to blog. You have been warned.

The writing is still coming along, slowly, but the words are there. I’m doing my best not to think too hard about the fact I don’t know where the plot is going and accept that the story might just be one of those that reveals itself as we go along.

After my last post I did stop and think about the fact that both Delaney’s and the zombie babies worlds have been sitting in my head for a good six months now. They’ve had a lot of brewing time even if they’ve not been consciously at the forefront, which might explain why the stories are coming out the way they are. I don’t give my brain enough credit at times!

Yesterday my cousin sent me some beautiful flowers:

We had a really good conversation (she’s in Australia so we don’t get to talk on a regular basis) and she thought I needed a hug. I have to confess to bursting into tears when I got them because it was just so sweet and totally what I needed.

I’m feeling good for the most part, and not like this baby is coming any time soon – though I never would have guessed I was going to go into labour early last time and it happened. I feel much better physically this time though, so at this point it wouldn’t surprise me if I went late. Baby is definitely moving down though and all the niggles are still there. I need a few good nights sleep before it arrives and we’ve got a bunch of appointments next week so any time from the 25th on would be okay 😉

I think I need a coffee. I’d also really like for my girls to play nicely with each other for about 15 minutes at some point so that I could sit down for awhile and drink said coffee without it getting cold. I’d really love it if my wireless connection stopped dropping out too.

Duty calls!

Uncategorized

Way to kill my flow, midwife.

The writing has been going well. I’m not spending a lot of time consciously thinking about the next steps for my MC, they are just evolving naturally out of the story. I know where she needs to get to, and it’s fun to take her on a twisty path to that destination, avoiding death and capture along the way, revealing tidbits of other information as we go.

Most days, I’ve thought to myself ‘ug, I just cannot write’. Then at some point I’ll find myself sitting here with the document open and I’ll be writing. It’s lovely not to feel like I HAVE to, and yet have the words come naturally at the same time. They want to come, I’m not having to cajole or bribe. Thank goodness, because I barely have the energy to cajole the toddler and school kid let alone some wayward words 😉

Then I saw my midwife today and she said the dreaded line (dreaded, because she said it last time and it was bang on the money).

‘We’ll see you next week then, if not before.’

No, thank you. I’ll just see you at my next appointment. I’m not having my baby this weekend, not even in the next week. Sometime after the next appointment, sure, but not this week.

Not because there is anything I desperately have to do, but just because I would like one more week. I have dinner and a game to go to on Saturday night with hubby’s work. I’ve got a couple stories I want to play with. A couple critiques I’d like to finish. Yeah, another week would be good.

I’ve been sitting here since then, pretty much repeating my new mantra ‘I am not having a baby this week’, which of course, is drawing attention to all the little niggles in my body.

I’m well aware that all midwifes begin to use these lines towards the end of a pregnancy. I know they are just words, not some prediction or educated guess. Just words. It doesn’t mean a thing.

But can I stop thinking about it?

Nope.

I should go and write. Maybe having someone else die instead of my MC will help get this tension out of my body.

She’s pregnant, by the way. I know I was avoiding baby stories but meh. She’s only four months along so at least SHE won’t be going into labour any time soon. But she needs to get out of the city before they kill her for getting knocked up in the first place.

Side note: I’m not at all worried about labour. I felt incredibly empowered and awesome after the last one, so I’m kind of looking forward to it. I think it’s more the fact that wow this pregnancy is getting close to the end and boy life is going to be different very, very soon. It’s a simple fact, and nothing can stop it. Yup, there goes all feeling of control 😉

Uncategorized

25 days until due

We’re under a month to go now, and the general level of excitement is building in the house. Ivy’s favourite game to play at the moment is ‘what should we name the baby?’ with this mornings top picks by her being Hair-Spray (or alternatively Hair-Blanket), and Flicker. Lauren’s input on the matter was that we should call it Bum. But then, her vocab isn’t very big just yet 😉

When asked, they both said it’s going to be a boy. I asked Lauren boy or girl? first, so that her answer wasn’t influenced by Ivy, and she still said boy. We shall see. I think most people are picking its a boy, but it’s my kid ya know? So it’ll probably turn around and be a girl just because.

I have hit the point where I do want to be thinking about names (finally) so if you have any baby name websites that are awesome, or other sites which are helpful, link to them in comments please!

Anyways, here is a pic, taken this morning, blurry because, well, it is. Excuse the mess under the bed. 36 weeks and 3 days and YES I AM HAVING A BABY! I haven’t had a single person ask when I’m due yet…. I was getting asked by 32 weeks last time around.

Anyone want to place a guess as to date of arrival? The leading pick seems to be 25th of June, partly because its Hubby’s nana’s birthday as well as a couple of friends, but also its a little early, but not as early as Lauren (who was 2 weeks 3 days early).

Getting close now. So close!

Uncategorized

20,000 views!

It was a quiet goal that I wanted to reach 20K views before the baby arrived and yay, thank you everyone who has been reading because somewhere in the last day I crossed that line!

I remember when I first realized that people were actually reading my posts, and then the first time my mother commented on my blog was another one of those ‘wow’ moments. People are actually reading… sadly, I never took that on board much so I still just mostly post what I feel like when I feel like it 😉

Anyways, some of you will know its been another one of those weeks. I mean, I really need to catch a break! All good though. I finally got some decent sleep last night (consider me an amber teething necklace convert – nothing else was different but the girl only woke at 2am for a quick feed, after sleeping 7hrs straight and hell, that almost never happens even when she’s not teething). I’m filled with hope that perhaps this means she’ll be sleeping better for the most part from now on, but she IS a toddler, so nothing is definite and I wouldn’t put money on it just yet lol.

I’m feeling more alive this morning, more positive in general, its good. And, I’m going to get my hair cut this morning which is very exciting! Just at a walk in place because last time I made an appointment while pregnant baby arrived the day before and I really didn’t want that happening again. More on baby stuff tomorrow, which is when I hit 36 weeks!

I have done some writing this week amazingly, and the story is coming together slowly but still forming and thats the main thing. I’m not getting a lot closer to being finished with my crit work due to extreme tiredness (going to be at 7pm? Not really conducive to getting anything done at all! lol). Fingers crossed this necklace continues to help and I continue to feel more alive. Considering the news I got about a family member yesterday, a little sleep deprivation is looking pretty minor right now anyway.

Okay! it’s almost 7am, and the kids are fed and dressed, so it’s time to launch into operation ‘housework’. I’m hoping to get the bulk of it done so that when we get home from our morning in town I can just… well, do a lot of nothing other than writing/critting should the urge hit. Or maybe I’ll nap again, it actually worked out reasonably well yesterday.

Uncategorized

Slowing down – by choice, but also by force

I have to accept that I have well and truly hit that phase of pregnancy. My energy levels seem to fade rapidly from around lunch time so that by early evening all I want to do is sleep – last night I did just that. 630pm? I was fast asleep. Tonight? I’m going to try and stay up to watch a DVD with hubby, but there are no guarantees.

I can’t push anything right now because it’s not going to be good for me. I’m well aware that I am teetering on the brink of exhaustion and that is not the best way to bring a baby into the world. The goal over the next few weeks is sleep, lots of it, and plenty of rest to ensure a good physical/emotional/mental balance for baby’s arrival.

So I might not get stuff done. It will still be there later. The stories aren’t going anywhere, the occasional opportunity might be lost but there will always be others. I still have things I would like to get out of the way (like the crits sitting in my inbox) but I’m not going to be hard on myself about it.

I actually started this weeks story today and its coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely. It’s pretty emotional and I really feel for Delaney – hurts like a bitch when someone wants something you can never give them, no matter how much you might like to. I’m not entirely sure where it’s going to leave her, or what it will mean for her relationship, so that will possibly be a surprise for both of us.

I’ve not really thought ahead to the next block of stories. It was meant to be working on action, but gee, so not where I’m at right now! lol It would certainly be a challenge to write action based stories right now though, so I will probably push ahead with that regardless. We will see.

I can’t believe how fast time seems to be ticking by, I kind of wish things would slow down for a week or so just so I can get my head together. At this point in my gestation last pregnancy, we were only two weeks away from Lauren’s arrival (not that we knew it at the time). Sitting here, I find it hard to imagine that in two weeks I could have a baby. I certainly don’t expect it to happen that early though, and other than the exhaustion (which is not simply a pregnancy thing, but rather a badly sleeping toddler and full on 5yr old combined with pregnancy thing) I’m actually feeling pretty good. I reckon I can make it to 40 weeks without being too grumpy about the state of affairs. I’d rather not go over (are you listening baby?) but I’m still cruising along right now.

Anyways, I better go and enjoy this brief respite the kids are giving me. I wrote this blog over about 10 sittings – Lauren seems to feel that if I am in the office for more than 2 minutes at a time then she’s missing out on mummy time 😉