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I’m struggling

I’m not making any progress lately. None. Well, none worth mentioning. I’m  starting to worry that I’ve hit the slowing down part of my pregnancy already – I am not ready for that yet! I worked all the way through til the very end of my pregnancy with Lauren, and I guess I assumed I would be able to do the same this time too.

And to think, just a few weeks ago I was fairly sure I’d manage not just 6 short stories, but more.

I don’t really know what to do about it. It irritates me, but I’m not feeling guilty or bad about it (which I guess is a good thing in some ways…) but I still have stories that need working on and I just can’t seem to summon the energy or willpower to do it.

This morning I have three short stories open, well, Snow White, The Feud and my piece of flash. I’m going to read them all and see what I think. Snow might be just about ready for a final polish and sending off into the world and if I can achieve even that this week, I’m going to be happy. If I can get that and the flash ‘finished’ I’ll be thrilled.

Can you believe it’s Easter in just a few days??

Woooosh.

That’s the sound of 2010 rushing by, and as this belly of mine grows ever larger I’m reminded daily of the impending arrival. I can feel it creeping up on me, the moment when all my fears about not getting stuff done disappear and all I can think about it how much I can’t wait to meet this little person. It’s going to happen soon, I can feel it hovering, waiting for a the perfect opening to sneak in.

I’m blaming this on a friend who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last week. It’s made me eager to meet my baby too. I’m losing focus, or refocusing rather, and that’s not a bad thing, it’s just that there are still three months to go and it’s a little early for me to go into hibernation.

Hopefully I can crack on with some work again in the near future. If I can do something today I’ll feel better at least.

Wish me luck. I totally need it. I’m typically so organized, and driven, working on regardless of whether I ‘feel’ like it. But right now I’m struggling.

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14 thoughts on “I’m struggling”

    1. That’s very true, I think I just need to feel like I’m making some progress instead of like I’m in a rut. Should be sending off Snow this week though I think, which is perking me up 🙂

  1. It’s tricky, when aware things will come to a crashing halt of sorts, and feeling it’s making its presence known early. Maybe this is a one-off, just a small reminder of days ahead… Let this day be, and see how you feel tomorrow.

  2. I agree (once again) with Merrilee. Take it easy, your writing career is far from over. We are story tellers, and the amusing thing is that we never run out of material. You have several projects that we both know you will finish, but even if you don’t, it’s okay.

    1. Merrilee is rather annoyingly on occasion (hehe Merrilee, you know we love you), very easy to agree with!

      I’m going to blame the pregnancy hormones, but you actually made me cry. There is something beautiful in the acceptance of a person that comes with the words ‘but even if you don’t, it’s okay’.

      1. I thought my ears were burning.

        More people should agree with me. My husband doesn’t. Damn men. Can’t live with them, can’t legally kill them…

        (Just kidding my love 🙂 )

  3. Oh do I know this feeling! I’ve been struggling with it for the last few weeks. Trying so hard to focus, but it just wasn’t happening. I got one good day in of editing after completely giving up. Then last week I got the news that baby was most likely coming early and I need to be monitored more so that felt like that for me – no thoughts other than baby foe me. Yet, I had the urge to write come to me. I think it was only after I gave up trying to attain certain goals, and writing became something I just love/need to do that I was able to work again. Good luck! We’re getting there…,

    1. We are! How exciting that you might be meeting baby sooner than expected! Hope the monitoring isn’t too taxing and everything goes smoothly.

      I think there is something to ‘giving up on goals and just writing because you love it’, it often seems to be the way past barriers that come up. Because when everything else is set aside there is still the love, and thats what makes us write. Thank you for the timely reminder!

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