Just another Monday

Well, we’re about to set out into week two of our home schooling thing. I’m feeling… less pleased than last week, I think? It’s a complicated thing. Without doubt I am happy with this decision and I know it’s absolutely the right call. I know because Ivy is happy 95% of the time, and because Lauren and Natalie’s behaviour has changed in ways I could never have predicted.

By around 430pm most days Lauren would be upset easily and want lots of cuddles and crash out by 6pm. There would be a lot of screaming involved in general, and she was barely eating dinner because she just wanted cuddles with me and bed. I put it down to tiredness. By the time Simon got home just after 5pm Natalie wouldn’t want anyone but me, she wouldn’t so much as give him a hug and she would be tearful and screamy unless I was carrying her around (and most mothers will know how difficult it is to cook with 1 or 2 kids clinging to you). She’d perk up after Ivy was in bed and then go to sleep fairly easily. Daddy couldn’t do a thing. Not hug, or distract, or change a nappy, or help with PJs.

And now? We have smiles and happy screams and hugs for Daddy. I can cook dinner without a child on my hip, and we sometimes get to 645 before Lauren is ready for bed. Very few tears involved, and a lot less stress for everyone.

I could never have predicted these changes. I put it down to tiredness… but apparently it was all tied up in the package deal of having one very unhappy person in the family. Goes to show what a huge impact mental health plays on the family unit, not just the person struggling.

Anyways, all of this to show that YES this is definitely right. But I missed a couple of my pills and I’m feeling blue and last night I realized that on my bad days I can’t be one kid down. I can’t pack her off to school and distract the littles with whatever in order to get some headspace. I just have to suck it up and carry on. And I will, I will. But I guess today I am mourning the loss of school, just a little, because it did provide me with some time where there was just one child to think about (when Natalie napped).

Anyway, in other news I am about a third of the way through my rewrite/revise for Burn. Which is on track for where I wanted to be. This is almost a miracle, because we’re very much still settling in and I’ve been feeling pretty tired. I’m hoping to get through another 1/3rd this week, and I think this is the section that needs the most smoothing/padding. I know I can do this, and the deadline feels like it’s getting very close now.

And I got a good grade for my last assignment, which is also great. It was a group assignment and I was really worried about it. Always hard when you have to rely on others for your grade. I’ve got a few more chapters to read, and 6 weeks until the final essay is due – crazy to think my first year as a post-grad student is almost over.

At this rate it’s going to be Christmas before we know it 😉


6 thoughts on “Just another Monday”

  1. thanks Cassie for you post. Your post made me aware that there is always more than one person who is affected by depression. The family as a unit is affected too. Pleased that it is working out, and you will find ways to have some time to yourself. You don’t have to solely home school Ivy, someone else could take her for one afternoon a week to do something different… Just an idea to throw out there.

    1. Mum is going to look after the kids every other week for a chunk of Friday which will be nice. We’re all still working out how it’s going to go! lol Thanks, Karen.
      I’m pleased the post helped your awareness. I always knew on some levels it affected us all, but had no idea to what extent!

  2. I’m happy it is (mostly) working out so well. I think with big changes there’s a temptation to want them to solve everything – and if they solve a lot of things, that just increases the expectations. But it’s a big thing, and big things always have their downsides and their periods of adjustments. You’ll increasingly find routines that work for you all – I know you will, you’re good at that sort of thing – but it’s also okay to acknowledge that there are downsides.

    Well done on Burn! I was wondering how you were getting along. I’m starting to feel the deadline pressure as well, particularly as I get to the part of mine that needs much more editing.

    1. Haha yes, I am coming up to that bit in mine as well. We WILL get there. I actually feel generally good about the novella (and yours and M’s!), and I think we will all manage to get them submitted in decent shape, which is really exciting.

      And you’re right, those routines will happen, we’ll figure it out. Just needs time to settle in. It is a huge change, and I can’t expect everything to fall into place in one week 😉

  3. Well done for staying on track with Burn! That’s very awesome.

    Change takes time to settle in. And the change that you have introduced to your family is a pretty big one. It’s going to have have stressful times and happy times… you guys will eventually get into your own rhythm…
    Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing amazingly.

    Xoxo Me

    1. Thanks, Leigh. I actually think its a bigger change than I expected in many ways. But then you can’t really know until you set on a path exactly where it will lead you.

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