Well, we’re about to set out into week two of our home schooling thing. I’m feeling… less pleased than last week, I think? It’s a complicated thing. Without doubt I am happy with this decision and I know it’s absolutely the right call. I know because Ivy is happy 95% of the time, and because Lauren and Natalie’s behaviour has changed in ways I could never have predicted.
By around 430pm most days Lauren would be upset easily and want lots of cuddles and crash out by 6pm. There would be a lot of screaming involved in general, and she was barely eating dinner because she just wanted cuddles with me and bed. I put it down to tiredness. By the time Simon got home just after 5pm Natalie wouldn’t want anyone but me, she wouldn’t so much as give him a hug and she would be tearful and screamy unless I was carrying her around (and most mothers will know how difficult it is to cook with 1 or 2 kids clinging to you). She’d perk up after Ivy was in bed and then go to sleep fairly easily. Daddy couldn’t do a thing. Not hug, or distract, or change a nappy, or help with PJs.
And now? We have smiles and happy screams and hugs for Daddy. I can cook dinner without a child on my hip, and we sometimes get to 645 before Lauren is ready for bed. Very few tears involved, and a lot less stress for everyone.
I could never have predicted these changes. I put it down to tiredness… but apparently it was all tied up in the package deal of having one very unhappy person in the family. Goes to show what a huge impact mental health plays on the family unit, not just the person struggling.
Anyways, all of this to show that YES this is definitely right. But I missed a couple of my pills and I’m feeling blue and last night I realized that on my bad days I can’t be one kid down. I can’t pack her off to school and distract the littles with whatever in order to get some headspace. I just have to suck it up and carry on. And I will, I will. But I guess today I am mourning the loss of school, just a little, because it did provide me with some time where there was just one child to think about (when Natalie napped).
Anyway, in other news I am about a third of the way through my rewrite/revise for Burn. Which is on track for where I wanted to be. This is almost a miracle, because we’re very much still settling in and I’ve been feeling pretty tired. I’m hoping to get through another 1/3rd this week, and I think this is the section that needs the most smoothing/padding. I know I can do this, and the deadline feels like it’s getting very close now.
And I got a good grade for my last assignment, which is also great. It was a group assignment and I was really worried about it. Always hard when you have to rely on others for your grade. I’ve got a few more chapters to read, and 6 weeks until the final essay is due – crazy to think my first year as a post-grad student is almost over.
At this rate it’s going to be Christmas before we know it 😉