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#reverb10 – Letting Go

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I’ve let go of a lot of things this year, or at least tried to. Some of the people in my life were causing me more stress than it was worth, and I’ve had to step back from them. It’s not that I don’t care – because I do, very much – it’s just that  we get into this loop where I give support, and advice (that they ask for), and then they turn around and ignore it, choose to stay in their not pleasant situations, do nothing about the negative things in their lives. At some point, you just have to detach yourself from that. So I did.

I let go of a lot of guilt: over not getting the dishes done, over not getting enough writing done, over the house being messy, or there being piles of dishes/washing to do. I am not wonder woman, though I am wonderful. There are simply not enough hours in a day and feeling guilty about those things isn’t helping the situation at all.

I let go of my need to achieve. It was only adding to my guilt. Letting this go was probably the hardest, in that it’s ingrained in me to want to do more, to do better, to do everything. I still want to get things done, but I’m okay when I don’t. This has freed me up to enjoy my family more than I have at times. Of course I always love and adore them, but sometimes, I feel like I should be doing more, like being a full time mum isn’t as worthwhile as other things I might be doing (which, I know, is ridiculous – being a mum is the most amazing thing in the world and hard work at times).

Anyways, I’ve let go of a lot this year, or tried. Some areas still need working on, but that’s life right?

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Taking it easy

I haven’t really blogged about writing in a few days so I figured it was time to give you all an update. I HAVE actually been writing, just quietly though and slowly, setting small goals and making sure I achieve them every day  (or at least almost achieving them! lol).

I’m working on the rewrite for a short horror story and making some decent progress. Sticking with the new outline and while I’m not loving the story just yet, I feel like I will any moment which is saying something about where I am at right now. One of the comments I got on it way back when it went through Critters a year ago was ‘You’re a good writer, but it seems to me you’re pulling your punches a little. Don’t do that’. I totally agree with the comment. I was playing safe, I wasn’t throwing myself into the story, I wasn’t bringing the horror as much as I could have and I guess I’m worried that I won’t this time around either!

There is something about horror that I guess pregnancy makes me want to avoid. When I finished the story in the first place I was pregnant, and now here I am, pregnant again and trying to rewrite it – gee, could I have chosen a worse time to pick this story in particular to work on? /shakes head and laughs at herself. Life is a funny thing.

I want to do this though, and I want to do it now. And yes, it’s a challenge but I think I’m up to it – even if it takes me the rest of the month to get it sorted. I just have to let go, and I feel like I am right there on the brink of letting go. It’s a pretty exciting place to be in.

Anyways, in other news I’m very dizzy. Not ‘blonde’ dizzy, but pregnancy dizzy. Something to do with all the extra blood flowing through my body. Blergh. And while my morning sickness disappeared a couple of weeks ago I have to make sure I keep eating at regular intervals or I start to feel a little unwell now.